The
most frightening is the numb acceptance of an homologous global
thought. As if that could ever be possible. It's so pernicious. What,
just because The Voice shows in more than 40 countries, we all think
the same now? A mass of producers and consumers with varying daily
rates? When did we get so lost? Easy, around 1990. 1995 was the
proper dive. I am finding I have to go back to basics of humanist
ideals and ask myself out loud when does thought crime start?
If
I stay calm it comes. The vision.. It's so hard for me to stay calm
these days. I panic, the instant I feel alone. The moment I taste
the emptiness, the future, the bleak realisation of the routine to
come. The responsibility of returning to the same house every night.
To wake up next to the same window. Decide wether I should water the
plants. Then occupy myself until the evening. Find a boy to chat to,
maybe spend the night with. Open tinder. If it's evening it'll be too
late. If it's my brains it becomes a stage. For you. A show just for
you. Will you listen? You only know me really. Everybody else is
flawed. Everybody else is lying. You only can bear me. I despise
them. Peasants. Filthy scum. What will they ever achieve in their
life? How can we get anywhere with these pedestrian motives blurring
the horizon? Where is the strength Utopians had? Where is the shame?
Shameless scummy spineless crowd. Atrophied clueless worms. All they
want is to slouch on the couch in front of the TV eating ice cream
and drinking wine. If at least they knew wine. What I can't
understand is their refusal to educate themselves. Become experts. I
mean it's not that hard is it? Just do your research, learn what's
best out there. I should maybe fish it out for them, ha. Flaunt the
stink of it in front of their big potato noses. Just by being honest.
Cut them deep where it hurts and let their putrid insides run dry.
Line'm up against the wall and splatter their bloody chicken brains
out. Splatter on the pavement the remains of this mediocre age. What
kind of a nation are we building without any ethics or moral? How can
there be morale? Where the fuck are the troops? This country that has
stolen everything it owns, that never learns from generations and
generations of foreign knowledge that bless its dry bosom. A dry slag
this country is. An infertile bitch this raped land. They have let
everyone run havoc. Instead of choosing the good ones, helping the
strong, rewarding enterprise. Such cowards. Who can say they've had
it harsh here really? Not one person. This country of assisted
morons. Do they know how good they got it? The English and their
government! Assisted benefits scroungers. Pretend punks. Do you want
some wine babes? What's wrong with you, are you listening? Are you
tired? Words can kill. I can be violent, I can push around, I can
loose it a little, but if someone, if you were to tell me something
so close to my heart that it would pierce it, I would just bleed to
death. I would not want to come back. Or it would take me years to
recover. Do you know that? Are you afraid of that? What would you do
if I went completely? If I disappeared from your life? Do you believe
I will one day? I would like to try a terrible female cry. The cry of
revolt stampeding, of armed anguish at war, of demands. Like the
complaint of an opened abyss: deep like the hole of the abyss, but
who are the hole of the abyss crying. Neutral. Female. Male.
(Laughing,
really nervously)
Hahaha! don't look at me so intensely! Are you trying to break me or
something? You're such a serious character! You're not judging me
babe, are you? Do you really think you're better than me? Who are you
to judge me? Why would you do that to yourself if it is so unpleasant
to be around me? Huh? It's so easy isn't it, so convenient putting
yourself on this pedestal. I put you there 1st. Such an idiot. Serves
me right. Making you pristine and pure. Ridiculous. You're using my
weakness! Do you know how weak I am, you slut?! How dare you play
with my feelings like this? What if I snap! What if I break down and
cry? What if I hurt you?! Do you know I could hurt you?! Are you not
scared? Don't make me go there man! You cruel bitch. I put all my
trust in you, my love, my self. I open up like a child, I put all my
pride aside. And you trample all over my spirit. People like you
should be locked up, you're the real danger. You get people by their
trust and then you break them. With your snappy fingers. It's just,
it's too much. Why did you come into my life? For what, huh? What is
the point of this? And I should feel guilty too! Goddamn it. Goddamn
you! Godfuckingdamn me! You're no better than me. YOU'RE NOT BETTER
THAN ME!!! What where are you going now? You're 'bored'? You're
'tired', you're not into this hahahaha. Do you think I care? I'm
going out! I'm bored. You bore me you hear? My boring little angel
ahahahaha. Look at you so proud of yourself. I'm off. Where's my
keys. Laters! En
route pour la joie! Ahahahha
yes exactly en route pour la joie! You know? Lets fucking have it
mate? Partaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyy. AAAhhhhhhhh let yourself gooooooo!!
(She
slams the door behind her)
