29 Jan 2014

Plead

 
Please let me hear crickets again
Astounding dirty loud scratching
crickets
Let me lie next to you, under the heat that will crush me and all my body
The weight of the summer sky pressing on my chest
Like Olympus mythologies. I am tired of being wet afloat
Let me dry
Droplet dripping Ophelia
Let me be the grains of sand
Let me be dunes rolling
Let me fall endlessly in the dry pit of our forgetting
Until I think I am lost forever
Until I think I will never find ground
Let me cross the desert backwards
Burning bushes catch my hair the air brushing my skin in the fall melts every gram of certitude cutting through the fat I accumulated for the ice age. And as I fall and inhale the heat that burns my eyes my nostrils my throat my oesophagus my stomach my uterus my vagina my legs my knees my ankles my feet my toes let the fall get to my bones.
Until I think there is not an ounce of liquid left in my members, until I bleed dry crystals of the blackest blood, until I've flicked each of them off and my body is a desert now too cracking whistling hissing for more hot wind. Let it push me down always more. Until it feels like fire. Until I think I will explode. Until I think there is no mercy. Until I cry salt. Until I'll know I'll have no words left.
Until I feel all power leave my carcass, let it freefall totally and a little more. Let my fall catch my fall into oblivion.
And maybe then only then maybe I will hit the stream the source of all water and dive into it hard soles flat and feel its might envelop my desiccated spirit and being enwrap every fold criesse and cut every hole hair lip bit my fingers grabbing onto nothing my lungs fill with dark water and I will breathe and simply bring my face to the surface again and feel the sun on it the surface of my face in the sun the sun and a breeze on the back of my cheeks and I will see you there. 



 

28 Jan 2014

Nous allons voguer


Heureuses qui comme Ulysses 

  

New Pseudo


Lefty Madone

23 Jan 2014

Title to follow

After 

Alien in the cranium

The Cold Daughters

La plaie, la peine, et un jour la plaine

Aujourd'hui je touche le pourpre de ma plaie du bout de mes doigts froids, glacee, a l'ecoute. Elle pulse et ne se retire pas. Elle attend que je la sente. Que je la reflete, la reflechisse. Elle me brule un tout petit peu, mordillant le reste de mon coprs legerement etranger, montrant bien que si j'exagere, elle plantera ses petits crocs profondement. 
Qui sait bien ces equilibres sait aussi qu'on y joue rarement, par peur que la plaie ne se vexe, et cesse de nous parler. On ne joue pas docteur avec son coeur, pour ne pas le banaliser, et continuer a mal comprendre les maux qui l'affligent et l'excitent.
La tour de Babel de nos emotions nourrit bien trop genereusement nos muses pour que nous voulions en sortir. Ses rayons miroitent une allure si attrayante que nous ne tenterons jamais de les retenir. Mais aujourd'hui je touche le pourpre de ma plaie du bout de mes doigts froids, glacee. Pour changer le cours. 
De la microchimie experimentale.. Voila qui est interressant. Voici ce dont on parle. Et la couleur de cette humeur est si loin de la passion que j'ai peur de la nommer. J'ai peur oui, j'ai peur de changer. De prendre le risque de te perdre. Et pourtant voila, je prends aujourd'hui ce chemin que nous avons choisis ensembles acceptant la profondeur de la peine s'il faudra qu'il nous separe.




22 Jan 2014

Koan Practice

Counselling & psychotherapy services in London: Our ethos

We are formed as a London counselling and psychotherapy service with three ideas in mind.
These have a weight on how this counselling service charges for counselling and psychotherapy in the London area.

(1) Around the year 2000, those of us who were working as counsellors or psychotherapists in the NHS and charitable agencies realised something had gone wrong! The auditors and accountants had won, and the space for proper clinical counselling, psychotherapy and psychoanalytic work was being constricted.
Everything is now audited – including ‘happiness’. Auditors and accountants wanted to see if counselling & psychotherapy treatments in London were delivering ‘value for money’. What psychotherapy could deliver ‘happiness’ in the quickest time and for the least money?  How do you find that out? (How can the government save money on counselling service provision?)
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy finds that out every session, by directly asking the patient’s to mark the psychotherapist or counsellor’s performance, and to comment on whether they feel better.  And even better, CBT treatments only take some twelve meetings to implant supportive ‘good ideas’ into the patient’s minds! So, you can audit CBT……..because patients do try to feel better, and try to make the counsellor feel good too by telling the counsellor what a wonderful person they are.
No counsellor or psychotherapist using the psychodynamic model would entertain such a procedure. Psychodynamic psychotherapists do not think that ‘happiness’ can be audited, and shrink from the idea that a good outcome for a counselling is that you are just the same as everybody else!
So, as the NHS and charitable models increasingly use CBT and deviant variations of psychotherapy-counselling that promotes ‘short-term’ work – this group counselling practice was formed as a space where psychotherapist and counselling clinicians can carry on doing real work.


(2) The second good idea is historical. Psychoanalysis is said to be the ‘purest’ kind of psychotherapy or counselling. It has been the preserve of the rich and educated. In London, it is vastly over-represented in the NW post codes. Psychotherapy fees in excess of £100 per meeting and psychotherapy session frequencies of five times per week ensure that psychoanalysis stays that way. There are many 'hobby' psychotherapists, who shrink from the realities of 'coal-face' clinical counselling work.
We wanted to address that problem, and are orientated to provide quality counselling and psychotherapy services in London irrespective of the ability to pay, taking into account that practically five counselling sessions  per week is not possible, and not supposing that a level of education is indicative of the ability to be a ‘good counselling patient’.

(3) Everything in the NHS and the charities counselling work is now about protecting yourself against litigation. Clients are supposed to be ready and willing to sue counselling and psychotherapy services at a drop of a hat! In London and the UK, what this means is that counselling imperatives are subordinated to management needs, as the management regulate and standardise counselling & psychotherapy practice to ensure that nothing exciting ever happens! Management don’t understand psychotherapy principles, and like modern school headmasters, prefer that the children they suppose the counselling clients to be, are happy rather than challenged (and possibly failing those challenges - like a psychotherapy can be unsuccessful). Management concerns are that counselling treatment outcomes are, like the ‘dumbed down’ exams for our children, always achievable and ‘happy’ outcomes.
No-one can fail, anymore - let's lower the bar!

This also involves the NHS counsellor and psychotherapist, like our teachers, increasingly doing less interesting, challenging, and actual counselling session work, as they compile the reports and attend the counselling supervision meetings that let management rest easy at night!

Counselling & Psychotherapy London


(1)  The management are all veteran psychoanalysts themselves. We are geared towards letting the counselling & psychotherapy clinicians have FULL clinical independence, and counselling-psychotherapeutic imperatives always take precedence over the ‘happiness’ of the management.

(2)  We decided to be financially independent. This means that we do not have to compile reports for audited counselling outcomes for the next years ‘funding round’ like most charities do. This means that we do not have to sacrifice counselling and psychotherapy to ‘short-termist’ outcomes. Our low-fee work is funded by fees from higher income patients.

(3)  The fees are arranged on a sliding scale of £6.00 to £80.00. This ensures access to London counselling & psychotherapy services is based on a desire to do a counselling or psychotherapy rather than an ability to afford it. It ensures a ‘level playing field’ for access to counselling and psychotherapy services in London.

(4)  The frequency of counselling sessions is decided by a mix of what is practical, and what is clinically advisable. We do not force five counselling sessions per week because it is a ‘good idea’, and we do not have to restrict the psychotherapist to offering once-fortnightly or once-monthly counselling because we cannot justify the budget. Psychotherapists can offer frequencies commensurate with the difficulties.

(5)  We support access to counselling & psychotherapy services in London for those in unwaged or reduced income circumstances. The cost of providing a counselling or psychotherapy session on our low-fee scheme is around £40.00 per hour (against £60.00 in the NHS). Because this scheme shares its costs with the senior therapists, it is able to operate independent of outside funding.

(6)  We are precisely located in Aldgate, London. Where we are is the dividing line street between the Corporation of London – the City’s business sector – and Tower Hamlets, where local GP’s refer into our practice. To the north is Spitalfields and Old Street, with the newer ‘tech’ businesses and artists and artisans. So, we hope that our geography permits a wide access to counselling & psychotherapy services in London

15 Jan 2014

Arta parle


Mi turba mi turba



Listening to Bene's un Amleto di meno like an album  

post synchro

whispers   /  hitchcock music/ exaggerated comical music & sound effects & voice tones

decadent decrepit face

ma vivere alla piccola conquista, mercantegiante come tuo padre, come il farmacista

Ophelia's double character actress & older woman who recites hamlet's words b4 he says them to younger girl/ younger her




14 Jan 2014

Global Social Project

A real question is arising in my life:

Can we build objective standards of justice or is a relativist position necessary to avoid intrusive implementation of badly adjusted measures of 'progress'? 

For example, if an indigenous tribe draws a chart keeping women under control and disallowing western dress and music, whilst becoming economically viable and building an autonomous activity disregarding the corporate norm, in accordance with very precarious traditional values and relations to the land; 
Where do I draw the line between what I regard as authoritative rule and measures needed to shift a paradigm? What's more important: cultural (race, gender, class) emancipation, or control of our means of production? 

Does autonomy provide a safe haven for subversion and development? Does it simply isolate the alternate mode of organisation or provide it with space to strengthen? 
I am coming to the realisation that existing autonomously within is categorically not enough anymore. Whatever is needed for structural adjustments, it is the pressure inflicted on the institution and structures of power, the negotiation (remember what that actually means?) for advances within, to be inside and against, that makes real change, or progress. 
Maybe there is no reality but the pressure we inflict on the structure subduing us, and the movement we then implement, freed of shackles until the next micro liberation movement.

10 Jan 2014

Writing


Writing isn't comfortable. Writing is a pain. Or at least it is still for me today. Maybe one day, maybe soon, I'll be able to lightly tip toe to my desk and type like a tinkerbell the sparkling thoughts that grace my mind for the joy of all. Like a little goat, like a poet. For now, writing requires my entire body. A few days of preparation without saying it's preparation, late on schedule but compressing my soul into whatever mood I am looking to attain, like a 3 legged dog dragging her imaginary one under the cardboard moonlight, extending my nights to reading and listening binges on the web, lying in my bed holding so much of my body the 1st days. Before I get the momentum. Writing is the anti activity, the anti health. I cook badly, make too much coffee or tea, go for short walks, distracted, focused, manipulating my poor self until it becomes the black circled wide eyed feeble recipient for my brain's games. It is when my bones start to hurt, when I have to stretch, yawn and lie down too often that I am finally ready to sit down and write.A back and forth between feeling low, being low, and using the accuracy to that feeling as a starting point, only movement of thought through my fingers and mastery of syntax to emotion will uplift me, excite me, enrage me, make me rant, jumping to boil the kettle, whistling hard and bursting out laughing. I try to control the up, not to come crashing back down, not to loose the delicate moment, but i do, it explodes, I crash, what a bloody mess!

9 Jan 2014

Reading



   Yesterday I Found Le Clezio's Diego and Frida (in French) and Orwell's Why I Write in Peckham Library.